The Definition of Happiness
by Lily10
Summary: Kallen is cynical, distracted, and burnt out. Suzaku is just trying to get through life without too much pain. Everyone else is in it for the lolz. Throw in a café and maybe we can get a decent love story. Or not. A/U, Suzaku x Kallen // ON HIATUS
1. flightless bird

**Title**: The Definition of Happiness  
**Author**: Lily  
**Characters/Pairings**: Suzaku/Kallen, almost every Code Geass character imaginable

**Summary**: Kallen is cynical, distracted, and burnt out. Suzaku is trying to get through life without too much pain. Everyone else is in it for the lolz except maybe Gino who just wants to get laid. Throw in a café and a dysfunctional family of lovable misfits and maybe we can get a decent love story. Or, you know, not.

**Warnings: **Set in an alternate universe.

* * *

__

Have I found you  
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you,

American mouth  
Big pill looming

* * *

**Prologue**

* * *

Kallen won't look at him in the eye.

"We need to... I think we should....."

Suzaku's expression hardened.

"We can't keep doing what we were—"

"What can't we do?" There was a cold spasm of pain in his eyes. "Fuck five times a day?"

He let her punch him.


	2. until we bleed

**Title**: The Definition of Happiness

**Author**: Lily

**Characters/Pairings**: Suzaku/Kallen, almost every Code Geass character imaginable

**Summary**: Kallen is cynical, distracted, and burnt out. Suzaku is trying to get through life without too much pain. Everyone else is in it for the lolz except maybe Gino who just wants to get laid. Throw in a café and a dysfunctional family of lovable misfits and maybe we can get a decent love story. Or, you know, not.

**Warnings: **Set in an alternate universe.

* * *

__

So we're bound to linger on  
We drink the fatal drop  
Then love until we bleed  
Then fall apart in parts

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

Kallen's morning began as the majority of her mornings did, with her rolling out of bed at seven AM and swapping her flannel pyjamas for a t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Going for a run?" C.C asked, standing over her with Cheese-kun underneath one arm and a slice of cold leftover pizza in the other hand. Over her shoulder, in their tiny shared apartment with their yellow-and-brown polyester curtains and their loud neighbours riding each other next door, Kallen could see that the dishes were piling up and the laundry needed to be picked up off the floor, but she couldn't find a reason to care about that right now. Being roommates with C.C had its benefits and its downfalls - neither picked up after themselves and both drove the other crazy with their eating habits. But Kallen kept their supply of tampons and Clamato well-stocked, and in return, C.C never talked about her personal life or tried to pry into Kallen's. On the whole, their lifestyles suited each other just fine.

"Uh huh." Kallen replied, rolling down her socks and tying on her shoes tightly. "You shouldn't eat that crap anymore." She added, eyeing the pizza with distaste. It was all C.C ever ate and the nauseating smell of greasy cheese and tomato sauce was permanently embedded into the apartment's furniture.

"Says the girl who eats her eggs with soy sauce." C.C retorted, taking a bite and chewing slowly.

Kallen ignored the remark and stood. "Just remember to get to work on time today." She stretched slowly, letting her muscles loosen. "Milly's pretty easy-going but even she won't cut you any slack for being late again."

C.C's face lit up a fraction. "Wouldn't miss it for the world. It's Sunday today."

Icy dread made its way up Kallen's spine. She stopped stretching and looked at her roommate with dawning horror. "What's the theme?" She was almost too afraid to find out.

"Angels and devils- and I've already seen your costume." C.C smirked, turning to leave. "Very sexy. Really _fitting_."

Kallen groaned out loud before marching out the door. Great. Just great. Another wonderful opportunity for her to get hit on by losers. Such was the life of a scantily-clad waitress at the Love Jazz Cafe.

The Love Jazz Café was just one of the many part-time jobs Kallen worked at, but it was by far, the most eccentric. A small coffee shop in the downtown district which served everything from coffee to baked sweets, the problem with Kallen's job wasn't just the vile customers. It was more the fact that she was under the employment of a young woman with a few screws loose in the head.

At first glance, Milly Ashford appeared quite lovely and sane. Actually, she was not much older than Kallen was. But her friendly disposition and good looks tended to hide a zany personality as any employee at the café knew firsthand. Despite her quirkiness however, Milly had a flair for business and for providing an atmosphere that brought people together - staff and customers alike - and her efforts were the reason why the café her grandfather originally created had grown into the successful business it was today.

Truth be told, the key to the Love Jazz Café's popularity stemmed from Milly's penchant for dressing up staff members to attract more customers. Every week was an elaborate theme to heighten the customers' pleasure and to keep things interesting. Last week it was school-themed, although Kallen had never been to a school where the girls' school uniform was as short and ridiculously low-cut as the ones Milly made them wear. The week before that was '"tropical paradise" and everyone had to come to work in bathing suits and flower leis around their necks. Needless to say, there was never a dull moment at the Love Jazz Café. In fact, Kallen probably would've enjoyed working there more if not for the frightening number of times a customer would tell her that if they could rearrange the alphabet, they'd put 'u' and 'i' together. Which, FYI, was the cheesiest pick-up line anyone could ever have the misfortune of hearing.

Kallen slid outside onto the cracked sidewalk and shot forward into a series of perfect long strides. Her breath was visible in the early morning mist as she leapt over ditches and paced herself until time was measured by the steps - the number of pavement and identical houses and empty streets between her and the hospital. Her and her mom.

Kallen ran a lot. It was her way of escape. She even had dreams about herself running through crooked paths and tree-line roads but when Kallen was not running in her dreams, she was hanging out with her brother. Last night they were standing barefoot at a beach and Kallen was much younger, maybe five. In this dream, Naoto was eating a popsicle and wearing a goofy sun visor. He looked a little older than he was when he died but he was Naoto all the same. They made fishing poles out of bits of string and broken branches until Naoto started walking straight into the ocean. He stopped to briefly offer a hand to Kallen but she shook her head and remained rooted, staring as Naoto kept walking and disappeared. And then suddenly, it was her in the water and Naoto shouting from the shore. Her small, lean body folded into the waves and she began swimming as far into the middle as she could. That was when she remembered she couldn't swim and after one last breath, she submerged her head.

But thinking about Naoto and her mom was like a terrible fire burning inside her gut and that was when she pushed herself harder until she could see nothing but her legs, feel nothing but the blood pounding in her ears - this was when Kallen knew she was safe. This was where she could forget about mother's scratchy hair and Naoto's ghost and that they were all bound together in bone and blood.

Surviving in a world of ongoing drama, Kallen surrendered herself to the act of running when life got to be too much. It had taken her nineteen years to figure out how to get some control, some peace and quiet - learned how to get everything to disappear, or at least shut up, for a little while.

* * *

Suzaku had a secret. Sometimes, he did things that made no sense, things he didn't know why he did but just did. Reckless things like scaling the school roof and diving off cliffs into the sea _just because_. The kids back in middle school used to think he was nuts. One time, when he was ten, someone played a prank on him and he almost died trying to rescue what he thought were a sack of kittens drowning in the river. Lelouch kicked him in the gut after that and screamed "Why do you _do_ these things Suzaku?"

But he could never explain it. Not properly. "I hear stuff. A ringing in my ears and… Something just gets in me."

To which, Lelouch kicked him again and called him a reckless fool with a hero complex, feline fixation and a compulsive-streak a mile wide and an inch deep.

Now nine years later, Suzaku was contemplating this as he climbed up a sycamore tree in the direction of where a cat with a large spot around its right eye was perched on a forty-foot high branch.

Kururugi Suzaku - savior of cats from tall trees.

(...God, did that sound as pathetic out loud as it did in his head?)

"Kururugi Suzaku - savior of cats from tall trees."

(Yep.)

"Here kitty, kitty…" Suzaku gently coaxed as the cat stared back at him with what Suzaku could only describe as a reproachful look on its face.

"You do know I'm trying to save you, right?" Suzaku muttered. The park he was in was relatively empty, save for a few morning joggers and people walking their dogs, but no one appeared to pay him in any mind. Or it could just be that he was too high up in the tree to be readily noticeable by the average onlooker.

The branches were strong, with just the right amount of intersections to make climbing easy. Hoisting himself higher, Suzaku reached out a hand towards the elusive cat and...

"Ow!" Grimacing in pain, Suzaku held up his bleeding finger to inspect the damage. "You bit me!" He exclaimed. The cat yawned and gave him a look that said, _so what?_

For a moment, he considered just ditching the cat. He actually made a move to lower himself down, but then, like a lightening-bolt, he was seized by his hero-complex, feline fixation and compulsive-streak and was glad Lelouch wasn't around to see him. "Come on," Suzaku offered his hand out again. "Don't you want to come down?"

He locked gazes with the cat which resulted in a staring contest that lasted for several beats of silence before the cat suddenly launched itself off its perch and fell.

Suzaku was too surprised to emit even a sound, he just watched in amazement as time seemed to slow down while the cat dropped downwards and twisted its body midair and then land miraculously on all fours. Scrambling down from the tree Suzaku couldn't believe it.

"That was amazing." He informed the cat, crouching down on his haunches to examine the animal further. Closer inspection revealed that the fall had not left the cat completely unscathed - it was limping slightly on its left paw. Ten minutes later, Suzaku found himself wrapping up the cat's bad paw in a bandage he bought from the convenience store across the street.

"There. That'll be my good deed for the day." Suzaku told the cat, sitting back and admiring his handiwork. The cat's response was to unhinge its jaw like a giant snake and promptly devour Suzaku's hand.

He sighed. It was official - his life was pathetic. What good was it to have a hero-complex when no one appreciated it? Hell, cats didn't even like him. It was kind of depressing.

* * *

The hospital was too white. It hurt Kallen's eyes. And too clean. It was as though someone had stuck a vacuum tube to the doors and sucked out all of the emotions.

When she entered the room, her mother's clear, pale eyes blinked up from the sun slanting through the blinds and looked at Kallen with a vaguely polite expression on her face.

"Hi mom." Kallen's gaze was pleading but fierce and she had to brace her sweaty hand on the wall for a sudden clenching in the pit of her stomach at seeing this sickly woman; her pale and shivering mother whose hair was sticking out at odd angles. Kallen was bigger than her - thicker arms, stronger legs, wider torso… all lean muscle. But she was afraid of her, at that moment, afraid of the poor ravaged woman swaying like a paper-ghost in her thin hospital gown.

Kallen approached the bed cautiously and eyed her mother carefully for a spark of recognition - a smile, a laugh, a word, _anything_. For someone who'd been a hardcore abuser of Refrain for the last five years, the after effects from the drug was more damaging, the recovery process much more demanding. Expensive too - Kallen noted bitterly - as hospital bills were prone to being. Sometimes she was resentful of this fact but then she would remember that it was her fault for driving her mother to depend on drugs in the first place and it was enough sometimes, just to lightly touch her mother's skinny, knobbly leg and forgive her, a little bit, for being the way she was now. Kallen knew it'd be easier if she just asked her biological father and step-mother for the money but pride was a terrible thing. People didn't always understand that pride could be a mean and spiteful process, that sometimes, pride transformed into a fierce tangled mess of hate and the carrier could become heavy with this toxic lump of scarred tissue.

"Did you get to go for a walk yet today?" Kallen went on asking, and hated herself for the forced conversation as she veered closer to the bed.

Her mother, of course, did not respond. The lines round her eyes and lips were creased and her fair was floppy and grey where it used to be full and auburn. That was when Kallen saw the wrist restraints.

She stared openly at the bands hanging off her mother's tiny wrists that kept them tied down to the side rails of the hospital bed.

And then a nurse walked in and Kallen reared back with a hard shake of her head.

"What are these?" She said sharply, jabbing her finger at the wrist bands. "She doesn't need them, she's isn't violent!" Not like Kallen, who had the sudden impulse to hit the other woman, hard and fast in the face.

"I know you're upset, Miss Kouzuki," the nurse stated testily, "but we're only concerned about your mother's safety. She's been attempting to get out of bed the last few days - yesterday, we found her wandering in the hallway. She's at a potential risk for serious injury -"

"Bullshit. She's just lying here. There's no reason for her to be wearing them!" Kallen felt like crying. She had trouble recognizing this blank, silent, sinewy creature posing as her mother. "And anyway, it looks to me like the restraints seem to serve more as a convenience for the staff. Aren't you supposed to be promoting patient independence? I thought this was a rehabilitation unit!"

"Miss Kouzuki please -"

"I don't want these on my mom again, you hear me?" Kallen snapped, her hands fumbling to undo the Velcro straps while her mother looked on curiously. "I don't want it anywhere near her!"

The nurse muttered something about spoiled hotheads as she left the room right before the breakfast tray arrived.

"Look mom, food's here - " Kallen immediately lifted the lid and pulled the plate of eggs, cheese, toast, and yogurt closer for her mother to reach. When she made no sign of movement, Kallen started adding a pat of butter on each slice of toast for her.  
"C'mon mom, have a bite. Aren't you hungry?" Kallen sat next to her on the bed and placed a spoon in her mother's right hand where she instinctively gripped it like some sort of newborn.

Through cueing and encouraging, Kallen spent the next half hour assisting her mother in finishing her breakfast before she had to leave for the cafe.  
"We're going to get through this Mom." Were her parting words as Kallen took her hand gently, and her mother fell asleep before she could wonder at her tears.

Standing in the cold entrance of the hospital, the weight of her insecurities settled comfortably on Kallen's shoulders once more. She sighed and sunk, depleted, to sit on the ground. It seemed all her energy had simply bled out of her and her legs refused to hold her up any longer.

* * *

Today, the walls of the Love Jazz Café were draped with bright colors and pastels depicting a strange combination of a cloudy heavenly paradise and a fiery hellish underworld. But other than that, the café retained its usual layout.

The first floor held a lounge and beanbag chairs. Small, round tables littered the room, each coupled with a pair of matching, white or black chairs. Speakers hung from the ceiling, playing the latest music and the menus were displayed above the cash register. In the very back, behind the bar, where all of the coffee machines and flavored syrups were located, was a semi-hidden staircase leading to the second floor that was off-limits to everyone but the employees.

The second floor consisted of the staff washrooms, the kitchen and the storeroom where extra coffee supplies and every costume imaginable were kept. New costumes hung on their respective hangers, while the older costumes worn in the past could be found stuffed hastily in various boxes around the room by their wearers, apparently under the naive belief that the old saying "out of sight, out of mind" would hold true.

Suzaku had already changed into his white butler suit and obediently strapped the papier-mâché wings pasted with white feathers onto his back when a long, drawn-out meow emitted from somewhere around his ankles. Blinking, he looked down and saw that it was the cat he'd try to rescue earlier.

"Did you _follow_ me?" Suzaku questioned it, a bemused expression on his face. The cat only meowed again and batted at the end of a leftover flower leia from two weeks ago. Smiling at it fondly, Suzaku reached down to pat it on the head and just as quickly withdrew after the cat savagely bit down on his hand without remorse.

"Ouch." He winced, cradling his hand while the cat jumped inside an open box, rummaged around and emerged with a black helmet stuck on its head.

"Wait, that mask is expensive!" Suzaku made a move to swipe the mask off but the cat dashed away between his legs at the last moment and sprinted out the open door. A small chase ensued down the hall, involving Suzaku almost knocking Lelouch down the staircase until the cat burst into the kitchen where lovely pastries were being made. Though there were only two bakers that worked in the kitchen - Jeremiah was the head chef while Anya was his apprentice - they somehow never failed to always produce enough delicious baked goods for a small militia, despite Jermeiah's constant attempts to persuade Milly into letting him incorporate oranges into the recipes.

Anya looked up curiously from where she was mixing the batter just as the cat leaped onto the flour-stewed countertop, leaving several paw prints in its wake before pouncing on top of Anya's head. He shook and pawed at his head several times before the mask came loose and fell to the floor with a thud.

Jeremiah instantly frowned and brandished a wooden spoon as if it were a sword. "No cats in my kitchen!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Suzaku apologized, holding out his hand to the cat making its nest in Anya's hair, only to take a step back when it attempted to ferociously swipe at Suzaku's face with its paw.

Lelouch decked out in his devil costume, chose that moment to sweep into the kitchen and shoot a disgruntled look at Suzaku. "What on earth was that about Suzaku?" He demanded, adjusting his cape in a dignified manner. "Were you chasing something?"

"Sorry." Suzaku said again and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, it was that cat." He gestured to said cat now currently residing in Anya's arm. With slight outrage, Suzaku noted that the cat had no problem letting Anya scratch it behind the ears, judging from the way it kept purring and nuzzling into the younger girl's neck.

"Cute." She murmured.

"_I_ don't care if its tears can cure cancer." Jeremiah raised his voice and punched his wooden spoon into the air for emphasis. "Get it out of my kitchen now! Do you know how unhygienic this is?"

The cat, seemingly sensing discord, leapt out of Anya's arms and escaped once more through the open doorway and down the stairs. Suzaku and Lelouch quickly followed suite, lest Jeremiah yell at them further.

At the bottom of the staircase, Nunnally was in her wheelchair wearing a white cotton dress and the same pair of wings as Suzaku's.

"Oniisama, how do I look?" She grinned, able to identify Lelouch's footfalls with amazing accuracy.

"Positively angelic." He declared with an indulgent smile. Suzaku privately marvelled at the scene - only the sight of his younger sister could bring forth such a tender expression on Lelouch's face. In the background, Rolo dropped an assortment of coffee cup lids in a clumsy fit of jealousy.

Nunnally suddenly gasped in delight. The cat had climbed onto her lap.

"A cat?" She guessed, running her hands down from the top of the feline's head to the tip of its furry tail.

"Yeah." Suzaku acknowledged, crouching down to Nunnally's height. "A stray. He followed me here from the park and I'm afraid to say, he's been giving me a lot of trouble."

"Oh but he seems like such an adorable little thing." Nunnally cooed, still stroking the animal on her lap lightly. "Are you going to keep it?"

Suzaku thought about it for a moment, foreseeing many future bites to the hand and shrugged although Nunnally couldn't see it. "I don't know…Maybe. I'm not sure. What do you think?"

"I think he sounds like an Arthur." She declared, a note of finality in her voice. "Definitely an Arthur."

Suzaku couldn't help but smile. "All right."

The newly christened Arthur curled itself deeper onto Nunnally's lap and meowed its approval.

The peaceful moment was all of a sudden interrupted by a piercing wolf whistle courtesy of Gino Weinberg. Rivalz dropped a glass from behind the espresso bar and even Lelouch looked on in interest. Suzaku followed their line of vision and saw Kallen descending the staircase with a blushing, murderous look on her face.

She squared her shoulders slightly and glared at them all. "Shut up and take your testosterone somewhere else." With everyone's eyes on her, it made Kallen even more self-conscious, evident by the way she tugged furtively at the front of her top and angled her head to examine her bottom half. As she did, Suzaku checked her out.

There was a chain from the choker around her slender neck to her right hip, and a set of bat-like wings trailing behind her. She wore a tight-fitting leather bikini top that crisscrossed at the front, a pair of short-shorts and stiletto boots that made her legs look miles long. Kallen's features, set in a pale heart-shaped face, had always been attractive but was heightened by make-up, while her bright red hair brushed against the top of her shoulders in thin, straight, feathery layers.

"Stop staring at me," she snapped, and his thoughts screeching noisily to a halt.

"Sorry." He bowed automatically, and she sniffed, grabbing a tray roughly from the counter for the excuse to use the prop to subtly cover up her midriff. But it wasn't long until it was C.C's turn to descend the stairs and everyone's attention focused on her instead.

"How does it feel to be on display for others?" Lelouch asked as C.C sidled up beside them in an elaborate black dress artfully shredded to cover up the bare essentials.

If venom could be transmitted through looks, thought Suzaku, his best friend would have just been poisoned to death. Kallen had shooting death glares down to an art form.

Lelouch was without a doubt a genius, but sensitivity was not one of his strong points. Suzaku knew him to be caring and helpful at times, especially where Nunnally was concerned, but at the same time horribly blunt and slightly oblivious. Lelouch was his childhood friend who hadn't changed very drastically over the years. He was still as smart as ever, of course, and despite being accepted into five different top-notch universities, had chosen to work as a baristo here instead, for reasons unknown to everyone else. He also still had a bit of a controlling streak to him and tended to gamble on the side and his voice was still matter-of-fact and to-the-point, but he had grown taller, and oddly enough, had quite a way with the ladies. Seeing him swarmed at the bar, with pretty girls batting their eyelashes at him left and right, and Shirley growling at the sidelines was something that still made Suzaku laugh.

"God I love my job!" Gino piped up and threw an affectionate arm around Suzaku's shoulders. "I get to spend eight hours surrounded by all these hot ladies in barely-there clothing." Before Suzaku could shake him off in time to avoid Kallen bashing Gino over the head with the tray in her hand, the front door burst open to reveal a whirlwind of blond hair and crackling energy.

"Good morning! I see you all have donned your brand new uniforms in honor of the different theme this week! How exciting."

There was a chorus of half-hearted grumbling except for Gino who was a fanboy of Milly's particular brand of genius and was saluting her.

As was the custom at the Love Jazz Café, everyone lined up in a row for inspection, which Milly traveled slowly down to examine each individual at a time.

"Lelouch stand up straighter - flash me that sexy smile of yours that never fails to bring all the girls to my café - no, sexier… sexier… Atta boy! Hmm Rivalz, straighten out your collar there…yeah… Kallen, stop hunching over like that. Your breasts are your asset so use them! C.C I thought I told you to work on smiling more? Wait no, that's too scary... never mind you don't have to smile…" On and on Milly went, critiquing everybody in order to bring out the maximum attractive level of each person.

Used to this torture by now, everyone bore Milly's inspection with little complaint. By the time she was done, she had deemed everybody ready to serve the general public. All except for Nunnally whose only job was to sit in the corner and look cute (although she liked to help anywhere she could). Surprisingly enough, Nunnally earned more tips than the entire waiting staff combined.

* * *

"Call me 'cutie pie' again and my foot will be making friends with your ass." Kallen was saying sweetly to a burly male customer with a swirling black tattoo design creeping from the side of the guy's temple to his neck.

Usually Kallen put on a demure act in front of people while she was working because it seemed to endure her more to her customers. But on the flipside, Kallen's patience with certain idiots was notoriously low, and this particular one must've really be grating on her nerves for her to drop her sweet girl façade so quickly before the lunch rush.

"Feisty - I like that in my bitches." The customer responded in a low, husky voice.

"Suzaku, is that gum in your hair?" Shirley's voice drifted to his ears.

"Huh? Oh - uh, what?" Suzaku dragged his attention away from the unfolding standoff between Kallen and one of her customers to touch his hair with his hand.

"Yup there's definitely gum in your hair. How'd that happen?"

On instinct, Suzaku gave a side-long glance at a mother examining the pastries in the display case while holding her squirming toddler. The little boy momentarily stopped pulling at his mother's hair to give Suzaku a distinctly evil grin.

"Here, hold still for a sec -" There was a brief pause where Shirley walked out from behind the cashier to stand behind Suzaku. He frowned in pain as she grabbed a few strands at the back of his head and tugged for several seconds to no avail.

"Yuck, it's pretty in there. You might have to cut it out." Shirley said apologetically.

Suzaku nodded absentmindedly, and looked back at tattoo guy who was staring openly at Kallen's backside as she tended to another customer.

Deep loathing washed over him. He had known the jerk was going to be bad news the moment he'd overheard him say in response to Kallen's "What would you like?" with "A nice set of buns like yours, cutie pie".

Keeping one eye on the vein starting to pop out of Kallen's forehead and his other eye on his own tables he was waiting on, Suzaku had a feeling that, while Kallen was showing remarkable restraint, thus far, in not socking the bastard in the nose, it was inevitable that the crude customer was not going to walk away from sexually harassing Kallen unscathed. Suzaku prided himself on having a sixth sense about these types of things and so, while he and Kallen were passing each other by on their way to and from the kitchen, Suzaku leaned down and asked her how she was holding up.

"Nothing I can't handle." She said stiffly in a tone that implied that he should drop it.

"Listen, that guy is being difficult. I can take over that table for you -"

Kallen bristled. "What? You don't think I can handle one _measly _douchebag? Worry about your own customers Suzaku!" Kallen hissed through gritted teeth and stormed off before backtracking and adding, "At least I don't have gum in my hair!" She stalked off again with a contemptuous snort.

Rivalz shook his head rather pityingly. "Dude." He said, having eavesdropped on the exchange and resumed carrying a load of dirty dishes to the kitchen.

Lelouch was also eavesdropping from his stance at the espresso machine. "Drop it." He advised Suzaku matter-of-factly. "Remember that creep last week who tried to grab Kallen's you-know-what? She bent his hand back and wouldn't let go until he cried_ uncle_."

Suzaku smiled at the memory of Kallen reducing a man double her size to tears.

"You know Suzaku…" Lelouch spoke up quietly, an unreadable look on his face. "Some guys over there are hitting on C.C too."

Suzaku blinked, inexplicably confused.

With a loud sigh Lelouch shoved him lightly forward. "Get back to work."

Taking heed, Suzaku headed back to the seated customers in time to witness Kallen slapping tattoo guy hard around the face. "Like hell I'll be doing that, you misogynist pig!" Gino was there in a flash, holding Kallen back from throttling the man senseless.

"Damn whore!" Tattoo guy sputtered, holding his reddened cheek and looking just about ready to return Kallen's slap with one of his own.  
"You need to leave." Suzaku cut in, placing himself sturdily in front of the man and talking in a quiet tone that he normally only reserved for when he was angry and no one would listen to him or see his way. His eyes were darker, true emerald mingled with jade, and his mouth was a straight line.

"Get out of my way!" Tattoo guy spat, shoving Suzaku in the shoulder with one meaty hand. "That prudish, tight-assed ice queen needs a good hard fu -"

Suzaku wasn't aware that he'd pulled his fist back. All he knew that it felt damn good slamming his knuckles into the guy's nose, smashing cartilage into bone and letting blood drip onto the clean white linen below. Even when the other guy's own fist rushed forward to meet Suzaku's jaw.

* * *

"I'm sorry Milly." Suzaku said for what was probably the gazillionth time. "I understand if you want to fire me."

"Don't be silly." Milly waved her hand airly as if to brush the ridiculous statement off. "From what I heard, you were defending a verbal assault at Kallen's virtue."

"But I broke two chairs, splattered cake all over the floor and walls and scared off more than half the customers."

"The guy was asking for it."

"But-"

"If it makes you feel any better, you're on cleanup duty for a month. Now hush and sit still." Milly commanded as she painstakingly cleaned and patched up a nasty cut on Suzaku's cheek. The two were in the staff washroom, with Suzaku sitting on the toilet lid and Milly hovering over him, tending to his injuries.

"Such gallantry!" Milly had crowed when Nina explained to her that Suzaku had gotten into a violent fist fight with a customer. Apparently, Rivalz had also been giving Nunnally a play-by-play of the brawl until Lelouch shut him up.

"And _wham_, the guy gets Suzaku into this choke hold and Suzaku is just gasping for air, you know? Just _gasping_ and growing blue in the face - don't worry -" Rivalz said at Nunnally's terrified face, "Suzaku managed to shove a half-eaten cupcake into the guy's eyes and then… oh, err, h-hi Lelouch…"

The café even had to be closed temporarily for about an hour while everyone pitched in to clean up the mess.

"It's really no big deal, Suzaku.." Milly insisted. "I think it's sweet the way you wanted to defend Kallen from the big bad customer ."

"That's not the point." Suzaku argued. "I trashed the café -"

"Which is why I'm putting you on clean-up duty for a month." Milly reminded. "Honestly Suzaku, do you _want _to be fired?"

"Well, no -"

"Then end of discussion." Milly said firmly.

There was a sharp knock at the door before it swung open.

"Can I come in?" Kallen asked, voice low and head bowed, bangs tickling her cheeks and covering her eyes.

Milly's expression morphed into a very smug look. "I was just leaving." She said, packing up the first aid kit and gliding past where Kallen stood in the doorway.

Suzaku's shoulders tensed as Kallen walked up to him slowly, without making so much as a sound. "Look Kallen -"

"Shut up." She said, holding up a pair of scissors and snapping it in the air a few times. "Don't move." Her hand touched the top of his head and Suzaku couldn't help but be acutely aware that Kallen's chest was currently level to his eyesight and hastily sought his gaze elsewhere before Kallen could notice.

Grasping a clump of his brown hair, Kallen cut. Underneath the pieces of gum she snipped away, Suzaku's hair was soft and thick, curling sweetly to lay slightly unruly down on his head. Suzaku fell into a meditative mood, lulled by the sound of the scissors as Kallen evened, trimmed, shaped and smoothed. She finally let the scissors clatter into the sink once she was done.

"Nice job." Suzaku complimented, standing up to regard himself in the mirror. "Thanks. I didn't know you could cut hair."

"I used to cut my brother's hair sometimes, and mine too. It was just more convenient that way." The moment the words left her mouth, Kallen wished she hadn't said anything.

Suzaku looked up in surprise. "You have a brother?"

Kallen glared at the mess of tangled hair on the linoleum floor. "You're cleaning this up." She said, avoiding his question, and left as suddenly as she came.

* * *

_Tbc.._

* * *

**A/N:** Ah yes. I knew it was only a matter of time before I wrote another Suzaku/Kallen fic. This one is certainly a different style than my older ones but I hope just as entertaining. I've always wanted to write a story in a café-type setting so I'll be having fun with it.


	3. sweetest downfall

**Title:** The Definition of Happiness

**Author:** Lily

**Characters/Pairings:** Suzaku/Kallen, almost every Code Geass character imaginable

**Summary:** Kallen is cynical, distracted, and burnt out. Suzaku is trying to get through life without too much pain. Everyone else is in it for the lolz except maybe Gino who just wants to get laid. Throw in a café and a dysfunctional family of lovable misfits and maybe we can get a decent love story. Or, you know, not.

**Warnings:** Set in an alternate universe.

* * *

_Told me that my hair was red  
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed  
Oh I cut his hair myself one night  
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light  
And he told me that I'd done alright_

_You are my sweetest downfall_

* * *

**Chapter Two**

* * *

There was smoke everywhere, empty beer cans and half-full glass bottles of alcohol littered the floor, tables and countertops and the music was pulsing through the dim room. Drunken partiers ranging from the ages of fifteen to thirty filled every room of Gino's parent's lavish mansion (as far as Kallen could tell, Gino, like Lelouch, had the potential to do more with his life than wait tables at the Love Jazz Café for the simple reason that he was filthy rich. The one time she brought this to Gino's attention however, his only explanation was that he wanted to learn what it was like to live as a regular person). Gino's friends, co-workers, acquaintances, ex-lovers and other miscellaneous people numbering in the dozens, were either fooling around in the bedrooms, pulling off spectacular dives into the large backyard pool, vomiting in one of the bathroom toilets, doing body shots in the living room, peeing in plastic potted plants, or dancing with wild abandon.

All of course, except for Kallen, who was sitting quietly with herself and listening to Gino's horribly out-of-tune singing.

"Heeeey nana, nana and a ho, ho, hoooo…"

"Okay you've clearly had enough." Kallen took the bottle of alcohol from his grip and hid it behind one of the sofa cushions.

Gino tried to swipe back his raspberry rum Bacardi bottle in a clumsy, exaggerated motion, but stumbled slightly on the spot and righted himself at the last moment, smiling a bit stupidly.

"Hey, Kallen…"

"Yes, Gino?"

"You're really pretty."

"Thanks, Gino."

There was a pause in which Gino toyed with the loose thread on his sleeve and Kallen sat back down on the couch, watching the people all around her get drunk off their faces with detached curiosity.

"Hey, Kallen…"

"Yes?"

"Will you marry me?"

Kallen looked up at Gino half-amused, half-exasperated, just as C.C plopped herself down onto the cushion beside the other female.

"How about asking Kallen when you're not so drunk?" C.C offered helpfully, and then added, "Or when you've got a ring?"

Gino nodded seriously. "That is a good idea."

"My ideas usually are." She agreed.

"I'll go get that ring." Gino slurred, his voice dropping to a whisper as he swayed a bit from side to side and leaned in conspiratorially.

"You go do that."

As Gino weaved unsteadily away, Kallen sighed and slumped against the back of the couch.

"Still sober?" C.C inquired, leaning back and looking utterly relaxed as she surveyed the red head beneath arched eye-brows.

"I have work tomorrow." Kallen replied honestly, having only taken a sip of some Stolichnaya before realizing that she really didn't want to get plastered and wake up tomorrow morning with a nasty hangover. She also didn't feel like drinking at a party, where there was a high chance of getting busted by police and getting caught in a compromising situation.  
"Although I could ask the same of you." She added, noting that C.C was still as sharp and lucid as ever.

C.C lifted her shoulders in a slow shrug. "It takes a lot for me to be inebriated."

"That's handy."

Milly had politely declined the party invitation - rumour had it that she was going on a marriage interview. Lelouch had also opted out on coming, having declared that spending a weekend evening playing board games with his little sister was a better past time than getting absolutely smashed-slash-plastered (and since Rolo was never more than six feet away from Lelouch, he was naturally also with the Lamperouge siblings). Kallen couldn't blame Lelouch - she herself had no idea why she even came. She had her job at the local ice cream parlour to look forward to tomorrow morning and her head was starting to ache from all the lights and loud music and drunken people yelling incoherently - honestly, where had Gino gotten the smoke machine? And the disco ball?

Anya was standing in a far-off corner, snapping up pictures of people passed out in their own vomit like she was shooting for National Geographic. Rivalz sat a little ways away, cigarette caught between two fingers, beer bottle held in the same hand, with a petite blonde girl in his lap giggling. Nina was dancing rather provocatively with another female brunette. Shirley seemed to be in the throes of a creative peak as she huddled underneath the coffee table, scribbling madly away in a Hello Kitty notebook. Suzaku was eating a sandwich, strangely enough.

Kallen's eyes lingered on his silhouette against the light. Suzaku's clothes hung off his lean form and his deep green eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, baggy from lack of sleep, and he looked thinner. His cheeks were sunken, the cheekbones more prominent, and his hair hung limply, not as boyishly windswept as it normally was. There was an unlit cigarette perched behind his ear, his T-shirt was wrinkled and stretched oddly, and his jeans were stained.

He slumped against the wall and Kallen watched him, as he rubbed his face disconsolately and hung his arms over his knees, contemplating the floor while munching away on a ketchup-and-lettuce sandwich in one hand. There was a distinct cloud smelling of liquor, cigarette smoke, coffee, and ketchup surrounding him, and she couldn't help but wince and wonder how he managed to arrive here in the first place, for he looked lost and dazed and not all there.

"You are an idiot."

Kallen shifted her gaze quickly and pursed her lips. "How so?"

"The boy got in a fight for you," C.C said. "You'd have to be blind or a complete idiot to not understand the implications. And I know you're not an idiot; I've seen your old high school report cards."

"Thank you," Kallen said coldly, "but I have no idea what you're getting at."

"He punched a guy over you last Sunday. Chivalry apparently isn't dead so get over it. It's not like he forced you into a corset and told you to cook his supper." C.C continued, pin-straight hair glossy under the bright lights of the disco ball.

"I don't want to talk about something as stupid and pointless as this." Kallen coolly replied, keeping her expression less than interested but somehow managing to transmit a thinly-veiled threat in her eyes. "So drop the subject."

C.C gave her an unimpressed look but didn't say anything further.

Shirley suddenly abandoned her spot under the table and sat down heavily next to Kallen.

"I need help."

Glad for the distraction, Kallen took the bait. "With what?"

"Telling Lulu I like him."

It was a testament to how drunk Shirley was that she wasn't even blushing or stuttering at her admittance.

"I'm scared. He's a very pretty boy and I get nervous, Kallen. What if he doesn't like me? What if he likes someone else, like Milly or C.C, or _what if he's gay?_ Oh, god, that would explain a lot and I'd look like such an idiot then, because we're supposed to be friends, aren't we, and if I haven't noticed by now that he's gay than what sort of friend am I?"

"Calm dow –" Kallen began, only to be cut off.

"Oh, no, what if he's in love with Suzaku and not me?"

Kallen nearly choked own her own saliva at the idea. "Shirley…"

"Maybe it's not even Suzaku. What if it's you? I mean, how come he's always treated you differently? He trusts you and he likes hanging out with you. Or C.C! He's _always_ talking to her. He talks to her even when there isn't really anything to talk about, so what if he likes her and not me – actually, he probably doesn't even think about me outside of talking to me at work. What if he thinks I'm annoying? What if he really wants me to leave him alone and I'm not getting the message and I'm annoying him even more by hanging around him when he doesn't want me to?"

Kallen sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Or maybe he does like me and he's too shy to admit it. What if he thinks I'm too aggressive or outgoing and he's scared of me? Do you think I'm too forward, Kallen? What if he thinks I'm some sort of dominating sex goddess who's going to handcuff him in bed and play role-playing games with him?"

Kallen shook her head. "Shirley, what…?"

"Oh god, what if he's in love with _Nunnally?_ I mean, they're really close and I know they're brothers and sisters but it's known to happen. Why didn't I see it before? Or - oh no! What if Lulu and I start dating and Rolo tries to kill me? You know how protective he is of Lelouch, he acts like they're brothers or something."

Rolo was a homeless orphan Lelouch had caught stealing strudels from the Love Jazz Café one day, but had treated him so kindly, the kid kept coming back just to stare at Lelouch behind dumpsters and lamp posts. In fact, Rivalz used to call him "Lelouch's little stalker". But Nunnally, being the gentle soul that she was, asked Milly if she could give Rolo a job. The rest was history.

Kallen herself didn't know Rolo very well - there had never been any opportunity for the two to hang out, let alone converse - not that they _would_, since neither one of them enjoyed small talk or was particularly yearning for one another's company - but she thought he was an okay enough person, if not slightly creepy and highly possessive to boot. If not for his own grudging like towards Nunnally (c'mon, who_ didn't_ like Nunnally? Her smile melted icebergs.), Kallen wouldn't have been surprised if Rolo just completely snapped and pushed Nunnally down a flight of stairs one of these days, just for the chance to spend ten seconds alone with Lelouch.

"I've been _trying_ to write him a letter." Shirley went on, shoving her notebook in Kallen's face dejectedly who leaned further back against the sofa cushions. "But I need you to proofread it."

Kallen had no choice but to take the notebook into her own hands and briskly skim the words. She could make out Shirley's handwriting in black ink between the light blue lines, distinct against the white of the recycled paper. There were several sentences slapped down on the page which had been boldly crossed out, random notes in the margins, doodles of little hearts and bears in the top right corner, and a chunk of the paper ripped out at the bottom.

Dear Lulu,

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure.

Yours truly,  
Shirley Fenette

"Erm." Kallen said.

"What do you think? Too short? Too forward?" Shirley fired off rapidly and wrung her hands together anxiously. "Can you feel the emotions lifting off from the page and into your soul?"

"Aren't those the lyrics to Aerosmith's _I Don't Want To Miss A Thing?_" C.C leaned over to peer at the paper more closely.

Shirley blinked blearily down at her letter and swayed slightly on the spot.

"Let me get you a glass of water." Kallen said slowly and rather kindly as she reached over to softly pat Shirley's hand and stand up cautiously in case any sudden movements sent Shirley further over the edge. Shirley had always been a little weird when it came to Lelouch but the past few minutes had just proven that this was a whole new level of crazy.

"Just… stay here." Kallen instructed while a glassy-eyed Shirley continued swaying from her position on the couch. "Keep an eye on her." She added to C.C who was flipping through Shirley's notebook and scanning its contents with a small giggle.

The noise in the kitchen was quieter than Kallen had expected it to be as she walked in and searched the cupboards. The only other occupants in the kitchen was a trio of stoners sharing a joint and a half-bottle of expensive-looking whiskey they'd found under the sink. Kallen ignored them and focused on the task of finding an empty glass.

"Hey."

Kallen jumped a mile, knocking her elbow into the wall, and swore. _"Fuck."_

"You're not drunk are you?" Lelouch leaned down and peered at her, and Kallen smacked him away quickly and resumed reaching into the dishwasher to retrieve a clean mug.

"No," she snapped, turning the faucet on and swearing again when the mug slipped from her fingers and fell into the sink. Luckily, it didn't break.

"Well done," Lelouch said, smiling, as he reached in to pick the mug up delicately by the handle. Kallen roughly snatched it out of his hand and shoved it underneath the cold running water, waiting as it filled up. Lelouch was good-looking by anyone's standards; his hair was pitch-black, tousled and straight, and a bit long, covering the nape of his neck and falling into his dark, amethyst eyes. He was tall and skinny, with moderately broad shoulders and slim hips, and the smile on his face was genuine as he looked at Kallen.

"What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming." Kallen questioned, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear before switching off the faucet. She imagined Shirley's reaction at seeing that Lelouch was here and hoped the other girl was finally going to spill out her undying love and just _confess_ already. Maybe then, Shirley wouldn't feel the need to look at Kallen as a psychiatrist or a rival for Lelouch's attention anymore. Because that would sure be nice.

At once, Lelouch's expression subdued and his mouth was set in a grim line.

"Have you seen Suzaku around?"

"Yeah." Kallen made a vague motion with her hand towards the kitchen entrance and hesitated before adding, "He looked depressed."

Lelouch exhaled deeply and his eyes appeared to focus on something off to a distance further than the walls of the room would have allowed.

Against her better judgment, Kallen tilted her head and poked Lelouch in the rib. "What is it?"

Lelouch seemed to regard Kallen silently for a minute as if weighing some fateful decision in his mind. Eventually, he seemed to nod and lowered his voice an octave.

"Today is the anniversary of his father's death."

All of a sudden, Kallen wished he hadn't answered her question. Her mouth shaped itself into a small, silent 'O' and she adjusted her grip on the mug with hasty awkwardness.

"Genbu Kururugi was a high-class, famous politician - a real big shot. He committed suicide when Suzaku was ten."

An image of Suzaku flittered through her mind at that moment. Smiling one of his half-smiles, his eyes guarded with his tanned skin and chestnut hair. Lelouch seemed to be silently gauging Kallen's reaction before speaking again. The stark contrast between him and Suzaku, the two best friends, was striking. Whereas Suzaku was a full-fledged jock, Lelouch was a physically-inept chess geek of enormous proportions. Suzaku had a tendency to be rather impulsive, altruistic, and bold, while Lelouch was a bit more insensitive, cautious, and always had a hint of boredom in his eyes. Both were lean and tall, but while Lelouch was on the slimmer side, Suzaku was more muscular. Suzaku was tanner, Lelouch was paler, but in the end, their personalities clicked perfectly, and when they teamed together, they ended up making the impossible, _possible. _

"I didn't realize what a significant day for Suzaku it was today until a little while ago." Lelouch felt the need to explain and Kallen knew he had probably come straight here after tucking Nunnally good night.

"So, you wanted to see how he was." Kallen clarified.

Lelouch quirked an eyebrow in way of inquiry. "Yeah."

"Well he looks like hell."

He nodded as if he knew that that would be the case and followed her out to the living room.

However, the moment Shirley's glazed eyes rested on Lelouch's form as he emerged from the kitchen with Kallen at his side, she was on them like white on rice.

"Lulu!" She began, smiling sappily and stumbling over. "Lulu, I've waited so long to tell you this, but I can't keep it to myself anymore. I love you, you idiot! I love everything about you, your smile, your hair, that stupid maniacal laugh of yours... You have noooo idea how many times I've dreamed of getting my hands on that sexy booty of yours. I've wanted to make love with you for...what, a year now? Two? Three? Can't remember. It doesn't matter to me, just so long as I get a chance to finally be...with...with…Oh - oh my go- _bleargh_!"

And that was when Shirley upchucked her dinner all over Lelouch.

Kallen took several steps back, holding her hands up defensively, and observed the chaos that followed through wide eyes.

While Lelouch ran to the nearest bathroom to clean up, Anya led Shirley away to recuperate in one of the upstairs bedrooms. A small, amused smile could be seen spreading across C.C's face as she also left - most likely to engage in one of her favorite pastimes (which was teasing Lelouch).

All of this happened in the span of five minutes, and it wasn't until Suzaku's slightly raspy voice spoke up that Kallen realized she had backed up into his personal space.

"Want a bite?" He lazily offered her his half-eaten sandwich as if seeing Shirley emptying the contents of her stomach over Lelouch's shoes hadn't turned Kallen off from eating for a good while.

Kallen took one look at the offending food item and made a face. "No thanks."

Shrugging, Suzaku laid the sandwich down on the carpet beside him. The music pulsed and the lights flashed as she considered Suzaku's slouched profile, vodka bottle at his feet, the bite marks in the unlit cigarette perched behind his ear, and a pensive expression on his face.

"I'm sorry." She said suddenly, without thinking.

Suzaku gazed at her carefully. "It's okay. I won't get offended if you don't want some of my sandwich."

"No, not that, I mean -" Kallen cursed her inarticulate tongue. "I mean, about your - well, Lelouch told me that today is -"

"He told you that my dad's dead." and he said it with such seriousness that she paused.

"Yeah." Kallen said lamely and her eyes dropped and strayed to his broad shoulders to the slope of his slim hips, and she followed his long legs down to the ancient sneakers on his feet, which were covered by the tattered hems of his too-long, loose-fitting but not-too-baggy jeans.

Kallen wasn't expecting for Suzaku to let out a sharp bark of laughter, so when he did, she jumped, startled out of her reverie.

"I suppose he told you my dad killed himself." Suzaku said wryly, reaching behind his ear and contemplating the cigarette before throwing it away.

Something in Suzaku's voice sounded off to Kallen's ears. His tone was all wrong, hard and angry, and she wasn't used to seeing him that way. His face was a little flushed - probably from the liquor - as he narrowed his eyes at his feet. Hair fell in his face, shadowing his features. This was Suzaku, drunk.

"Well that's a lie. I'm the one who killed him."

She exhaled sharply, looking at him critically before ducking her head so her bangs tickled her cheeks.

"Suzaku, you're drunk."

"Yeah, I think I am." He squinted up at her. "But it doesn't change the fact that I killed him."

"What are you saying? You mean, that you feel responsible?" It came out harsher than she had intended, and Suzaku visibly flinched.

"No, I'm saying that I killed him. I fucking literally killed him with my own two fucking hands." Suzaku mumbled, head drooping, eyes shutting slowly.

It was the first time Kallen had ever heard him swear and oddly enough, it was that more than his confession to murder, that shocked her momentarily to silence. Swallowing hard, she found her voice after several beats of silence had ensued.

"Was it an accident? You were ten weren't you -"

Suzaku laughed again, drunkenly this time. "It was no accident. I meant to kill him."

They grew silent again, because Kallen knew inexplicably that he wasn't telling her that to come off as mysterious or enigmatic or to score some points. It was truth in its purest form, and it astonished her that she had seen more of him in this moment than all the prior months they'd known each other for. It was like someone had taped their lives and put certain aspects of it on hold.

"Do you want to know something about me?" Suzaku burst out

"Suzaku -"

"Do you want to know the truth?" He continued.

Kallen looked at him for a long moment. Finally she nodded.

"The truth is...sometimes I do things – without knowing why. Just to see if I can do it. Something gets inside me, there's noise in my head like static, I can't explain it." Suzaku's face went blank, his eyes apathetic and without any shred of feeling.

He spoke fast, spitting out the words like fire. "My father was a die-hard partisan who'd do anything to grab more power and use it. Even if it meant knowingly harming others. I… wanted him to stop. I couldn't stand it. That day I went into his office, he wouldn't listen..." Suzaku grimaced. "Which...it wasn't _new_, or anything. He never listened or paid me much attention…but. There was a knife on the desk. I don't know why there was but it was there. And I kept thinking – he kept yelling and I kept yelling, but all I could think was - what would happen if I did it? If I just...grabbed the knife and..."

Suzaku gripped his hair between his fingers, and it stuck up in odd spikes.

"He kept shouting – all this stuff..._ 'Settle down, I don't need this'_, and _'You don't know what you're talking about'_, and knocking me around a few times. And I just kept looking at the knife and yelling back and hating how he never cared enough- so, when he smacked me away and tried to leave...I just...stood up and picked the knife up, and -"

He looked down at his hands. "The thing was...it wasn't anything new. Nothing I couldn't handle. It was the same argument we always had. So why did I -"

Suzaku hung his head between his knees. "They covered it up and passed it off as a suicide. I guess they thought being ten years old was a pretty good defense for fucked up behavior."

Kallen sat down beside him. She folded her legs against her stomach and rested her chin on her knees. _"Something_ must've been different." She whispered.

The silence wrapped around them both. Suzaku looked at her and she looked at him. He nodded mutely and fell into a deeper slouch, hugging himself and folding defensively.  
_  
This time, it was different because - _

"He'd never hit me before. Never. Not until.. then."

Sometimes, Suzaku did things without really knowing why. Just to see if he could do it.

* * *

_TBC..._

* * *

**A/N**: A big hug to all you supportive readers out there. You make writing Suzaku/Kallen a rewarding experience.


End file.
